Real-Ationships: A Special Message To Singles

Today's message is directed primarily to those who are single. Although, it is also good for couples. We're going to talk about sex, dating, and more. Sex is a hot topic. If you look on television, it's everywhere. Sex sells.

What does God say about sex, love, and dating? We don't need culture to define true love and sex for us. This message will be raw and real.

Four Lies From The Devil

Everybody Is Doing It So Should You Have Sex

The truth is that everyone is not doing it. Even if they were, that doesn't mean God wants you doing it.

Isn't Really A Big Deal, It's Just Physical 

The Devil wants you to think it's just a physical act. As long as you don't get pregnant or get a disease, what's the big deal?

You've Blown It And There's No Hope For You 

It's not too late. Today can be a new day and a fresh start.

God Is Out To Make You Miserable And Not Have Any Fun 

Jesus came to give us real life. On the best day, the Devil can only give you mediocre.

Helpful Truths

Sexual Intimacy Is A Gift From God

God created sex and wants us to enjoy it. Sex is good.

So God created human beings[a] in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” Genesis 1:27-28 (NLT)

How do you become fruitful and multiply? Sex. God is pro-sex. It was his idea.

The Woman


10 My lover is dark and dazzling,
better than ten thousand others!

11 His head is finest gold,
his wavy hair is black as a raven.

12 His eyes sparkle like doves
beside springs of water;
they are set like jewels
washed in milk.

13 His cheeks are like gardens of spices
giving off fragrance.
His lips are like lilies,
perfumed with myrrh.

14 His arms are like rounded bars of gold,
set with beryl.
His body is like bright ivory,
glowing with lapis lazuli.

15 His legs are like marble pillars
set in sockets of finest gold.
His posture is stately,
like the noble cedars of Lebanon.

16 His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is desirable in every way.
Such, O women of Jerusalem,
is my lover, my friend.

Song of Solomon 5:10-16 (NLT)

The Man

How beautiful are your sandaled feet,
O queenly maiden.
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a skilled craftsman.

2 Your navel is perfectly formed
like a goblet filled with mixed wine.
Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat
bordered with lilies.

3 Your breasts are like two fawns,
twin fawns of a gazelle.

4 Your neck is as beautiful as an ivory tower.
Your eyes are like the sparkling pools in Heshbon
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is as fine as the tower of Lebanon
overlooking Damascus.

5 Your head is as majestic as Mount Carmel,
and the sheen of your hair radiates royalty.
The king is held captive by its tresses.

6 Oh, how beautiful you are!
How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!

7 You are slender like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.

8 I said, “I will climb the palm tree
and take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like grape clusters,
and the fragrance of your breath like apples.

9 May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine,
flowing gently over lips and teeth.[b]

Song of Solomon 7:1-9 (NLT)

For married folks, the homework tonight is to "fan the flame." Remember, sex is more than physical.

God Gave Us Boundaries For Our Protection and Blessing 

Sex is awesome, but in the wrong place it can destroy things. This is why we have to understand God's boundaries.

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body[a] and live in holiness and honor— 5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 6 Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife,[b] for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. 7 God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. 8 Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (NLT)

All sin is sin, but there is something different about sexual sin

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NLT)

For those who have been abused, they know that there is something different about sexual abuse than other kinds of abuses.

God's will for us is to live holy

We can do this with God's help.

We can have the power of the Holy Spirit to help protect our bodies

Where do we draw the line?

God said that we shouldn't have sex outside of marriage. Therefore, as some think, we can do everything else up to the point of sexual intercourse. Pastor Matt advises that we draw a line way before that. Consider stopping before it gets physical.

There is a law of diminishing returns. This is where the thrills of early physical contact becomes less exciting. To have the same reaction, you feel that you have to go further.

Guys will show love to get sex and girls will give sex to get love. Often, it's not love but lust.

8 Pieces Of Advice For Singles

1.  Don't get physical before marriage. Delay this for as long as possible. Get to know the other person.
2. Set your boundaries right now and give them to God. Do it right now. Don't wait until you're in the heat of passion to set boundaries.
3. Communicate your boundaries. You date to find your mate.
4. Avoid living together. There is zero evidence that living together makes marriage better. However, there is overwhelming evidence that living together before marriage leads to divorce. 
5. Let the Holy Spirit control you. He was given to you as a gift. 
6. Group Date. It gives you a chance to interact with other people.
7. Get involved in your local church. Specifically, get involved serving. By serving God in the church, you focus on God first, but you may find someone who is running the same race.
8. Relax and stop looking for a wife or husband. Don't worry about the pressure to get married now.

Pastor Matt tells a story about how an early engagement ended and he felt extremely lonely. He tried dating his way but it didn't work out. Finally, he just prayed and told God that he was waiting on him. Five months after he prayed that prayer, a lovely gal moved to Atlanta.

He continues to share how they met, dated, and eventually fell in love. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Do You Need A Fresh Start?

If you need hope or help. God wants you to know that he loves you. Jesus died and rose from the grave. If you would like to know Jesus as your savior then pray this prayer.

Dear God, I realize I've sinned and I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross and rising from the grave. Come in to my heart and save me. Thank you for giving me eternal and abundant life. Help me to live for you, for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name. Amen.

To share your story, want more information about next steps, or just in need of prayer, please contact Pastor Matt Fry.